On A Neck, On A Spit

Reading about destructive emotions in Buddhism. Leads me to thoughts about BDSM. While hatred is obviously considered afflictive what if you harm someone out of love (and/or other non-afflictive things)? Then I think, wait wait I’ve gone far too quickly and too far: what do you Buddhists even believe about sexuality. I look it up. A wide range of things depending on the school. From “it’s necessary to stay celibate to achieve enlightenment” to “sexual yoga is necessary to reach Buddhahood in one lifetime.” (As per the Wikipedia page I admit I have nothing more right now.) Then I find the section on homosexuality. Since the book I am reading focuses a great deal on the 14th Dalai Lama, I look up his statements on the subject. He has said “ ”If someone comes to me and asks whether homosexuality is okay or not, I will ask ‘What is your companion’s opinion?’. If you both agree, then I think I would say ‘if two males or two females voluntarily agree to have mutual satisfaction without further implication of harming others, then it is okay.’” But also elsewhere: “A sexual act is deemed proper when the couples use the organs intended for sexual intercourse and nothing else….Homosexuality, whether it is between men or between women, is not improper in itself. What is improper is the use of organs already defined as inappropriate for sexual contact.” And now I’m all confused about how “the intended purpose” of organs in your physical body play into Buddhism. This is a surprisingly argument for where I thought this whole thing was going…